Monday, November 06, 2006

Survival Guide

John Lillpop wroye on Wizbang Bomb Squad In that spirit, the following Survival Guide has been designed exclusively for concerned conservatives. Herewith 10 great ideas for passing time on election day, 2006:

  • Read the Koran and learn to speak Arabic " in anticipation of Nancy Pelosi's "New Day" for America.
  • Repeat the phrases "Allah Bless America," "In Allah We Trust," and "One Nation under Allah," until the word God is no longer in your vocabulary.
  • Quite your job, list your home for sale, and check out jobs and homes in Australia and New Zealand. Move quickly to beat the rush!
  • Repeat the phrase "Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the U.S. House" three times, or until you run out of barf bags, whichever comes first
  • Buy a prayer rug and reliable compass. Practice praying east five times daily with your posterior pointed straight up, your nose crushed into the ground, and love in your "Religion of Peace" heart.
  • Learn Spanish and join the scores of millions of Americans who will invade Mexico illegally in 2007. Caution: Plan on taking bottled water and bathroom tissue with you.
  • Dig out those 500 Christmas cards you planned to send to friends and family, line through "Merry Christmas" and write in "Belated Ramadan Greetings!"
  • Buy Hal Lindsay's end-of-times book "Late, Great Planet Earth" and plan the rest of your day accordingly.
  • Study the Presidential Succession Act of 1947, and look for loopholes that the GOP could use to prevent Speaker Pelosi from ascending to the presidency should tragedy strike President Bush and Vice President Cheney at the same time.
  • Draw all money out of your 401(k) plans and invest said funds in any construction company that specializes in the renovation of old Christian churches into modern mosques.

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